Thanksgiving staycation

Let me start by saying I want a new word. Staycation is awkward. Surely there is a sophisticated French term for “my family lives across the country and I am not quite masochistic enough to want to brave DIA at Thanksgiving”?

So, I was thinking on my run this morning about how hard the holidays are for so many people, and the older we get, the more this is true. Maybe you lost someone this year whose absence is all the more painful when this season rolls around. Maybe you’re single and wish you weren’t (even if we are loathe to admit it, the holidays sure make us feel lonelier for not having someone to curl up by the fire with). Or maybe you’re in a relationship that strains the boundaries of how much potential chaos one human is capable of managing. Or maybe you’re in the middle of a divorce and suddenly the next 40 holidays are not going to look the way you thought they’d look. Or maybe your kids are heading to college soon and you know you’re at a turning point, and rather than speeding through the holidays to get them over with, you wish you could freeze time indefinitely right here.

There’s a flip side to everything, of course, I’ll get to that in a minute. Don’t worry, this is not a downer post.

What occurs to me is we’re all in this together. It’s hard for everyone in different ways. And it’s wonderful for everyone in different ways. We don’t have any way of knowing what’s really going on in someone else’s life, so everyone deserves our compassion and love and as much grace as we can muster up. Even my cranky neighbor with the Trump signs in his yard (seriously. still.) I find myself making up stories about him in order to be compassionate, which is silly but it works. (My current iteration is that maybe his dog is sick and he’s just consumed with worry. He’s not really an unfriendly, weird, rude guy. He’s just worried about Fido.)

Today I have good friends to eat with, solitude this morning to run and to write, and a gorgeous blue sky Denver day to enjoy. That’s a lot to work with, and more than 99% of the world has, right? It doesn’t change the tinge of wistfulness at not having someone to curl up by the fire with, but both can be true. One does not negate the other. We all have happiness and sadness around the holidays. Joy can sit down and have a glass of wine with sorrow. Both are true.

I frankly don’t mind being reminded once a year to be especially grateful – I can use the reminder. I’ve read a lot lately about how we should be grateful every day, not just on Thanksgiving. Yes, yes, of course. Very true. But I still love the one day a year that we honor gratitude and its importance. I’m always grateful when I get to travel, but I’m also grateful for the option not to travel. To stay home and rest and eat and be thankful for whomever I’m lucky enough to see and spend time with today. And listen, it’s not all emotion and reflection over here. I’m also really really grateful for turkey, wine, and the little bundt cakes that I am bringing to dinner. They are sitting on my kitchen counter just bursting with happiness and joy. And begging me to eat them rightthisveryminute. Which I will resist….

Maybe.

I read a lot when I have time like this, and I get asked a lot for reading recommendations, so here are a few timely ones: Ryan Holiday’s post on being thankful, Brené Brown’s new book, “Braving the Wilderness”, and Oprah’s new book, “The Wisdom of Sundays”. I do love me some Oprah at the holidays. And an old favorite that I try to reread every holiday season is “A Return to Love”, by Marianne Williamson.

So whatever it is that is going on in your life this holiday season, good or bad, embrace it. It’s part of the process. Maybe it’s you that needs compassion and grace, so give it to yourself. Spoiler alert: it’s all going to be ok.

And everybody extend some grace to your cranky neighbor or your combative Uncle Fred or nagging Aunt Ethel. They have their stuff too and we’re all in this together and doing the best we can. Nod, smile, and pour yourself another glass of wine. It’s all going to be ok.

Cheers!

Traveling Girl